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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29706711">Bang the Doldrums</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilOfEden/pseuds/EvilOfEden'>EvilOfEden</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Animal Instincts, Biting, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Non-Canonical Backstory, POV Second Person, Unhealthy Relationships, Violent Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:15:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29706711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilOfEden/pseuds/EvilOfEden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You're never going to float in the sea again.<br/>---<br/>Your name is Kaku and you're trying to convince yourself that leaving your life on Water 7 behind was the right idea. Not that it matters; Rob Lucci has you right where he wants you, and you've just taken a bite of that devil fruit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaku/Rob Lucci</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Bang the Doldrums</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All you have to do is take a bite and walk away. It won't be the first time you've closed the door on your past and it won't be the last. You've torn off the bandage so many times that it should be easy. Yet you keep staring at the whorls on the fruit's peels, the unnaturally smooth flesh underneath. You stare because the only other thing to look at is <em>his</em> face, smirking, waiting for you to take another step closer to being just like him.</p><p>You should have an opinion on that, you think belatedly. Shouldn't you? You finally had a place where you did good and honest work, full of people who loved you. And now you're about to give all that up. If you really want, you could make it out alive. You're fast and strong, and you know how to hide until the heat dies down. Even the mighty Rob Lucci would lose your scent eventually. Wouldn't that be the right thing to do, to finally put your foot down and live the life that made you happy?</p><p>No. Just because you hide your fangs better, doesn't mean you weren't both wolves hiding among the sheep all this time.</p><p>You pull back the peel of the fruit and take a bite. And another. Might as well nail yourself to this cross as thoroughly as possible. You stare Lucci dead in the eye and wonder if he sees a reflection.</p><p> </p><p>You're never going to float in the sea again.</p><p>Only a month ago and it was just you two (well, three if you count that bird of his) in a sunny cove, far away from the prying eyes of all your fans and so-called friends. To think, such a place existed where people trusted you, loved you, would follow you to the ends of the world to see your smile. But sometimes you couldn't stand to be reminded of that, so you took to the rocks on the far end of the city.</p><p>After a long day of work, there was no better feeling than cold water along your skin, a lazy breeze in your hair, sun-warmed rocks on your back. Your clothes were piled on the rocks and he was curled up next to them, a giant feline stretched out on the rocks to soak up the rays. Peaceful.</p><p>And you dared have the fleeting thought that maybe this could be forever. Building ships with deft hands that created instead of destroyed. Using the instincts drilled into you to run across the city so fast, to jump so high and free, that folks mistook you for the wind. Sunny afternoons. Nights at the bar with friends who had nothing to hide behind their smiles.</p><p>But then your fingers itch. Bashing the occasional pirate isn't release enough. You're not allowed to make them bleed, because that scares people, and Shipwright Kaku doesn't scare people. He's friendly, he talks in a way that makes people laugh, and he only ever uses his strength to protect good people and teach bad guys a lesson.</p><p>They don't see what only Lucci gets to see here at the water's edge. A body covered in scars, everything from sword slashes to burn marks to bullet wounds. They don't know the many ways your bones have broken and reset again. How if you really had your way with those pirates, their skin would be cut into ribbons and their skulls would crack under your knuckles.</p><p>Lucci lifts his head, languid as a mountain. "Seems you got a new one."</p><p>"Hmm?" You catch yourself staring at your fingers. Surely, you weren't so careless to bleed and not notice it. "Where? Guess I'm blind as a bat in this sun."</p><p>"Here." His fangs are against your skin. You crane your neck for a better angle, and as his teeth slowly sink, you watch the blood slowly trail down your chest and into the water.</p><p>This shouldn't put you at ease. But like the sea and wind and sun, this is what you needed after a long day of feigning normalcy.</p><p>"Good thing I wore a high collar today."</p><p>He rumbles something like a laugh. He only ever does that with you. It's some sort of privilege, you suppose. He slips his fangs out of your neck. "You wear those every day."</p><p>"I'm around you every day, aren't I?"</p><p>He move to bite again, but for the moment you've had your fill. Never needed as much red as he did. You drift out from the rocks where he can't follow and you float, letting the tide carry you, never mind if the salt stings. The tide will pull you back to him when it's good and ready.</p><p>And it does, on the waves of Aqua Laguna.</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks ago, another pirate tried and failed to skip out on paying up for a new ship. After all the hard work you put into it too. You didn't even break a sweat, all it took was a swift kick, but your heart's still racing because you want so hard to keep it up until there's nothing but pulp. Instead you tell him off with a firm "Scram!" and he's scrambling off on all fours like a dog.</p><p>Your pulse is so loud to your own ears that you almost miss the cheering. There are always folks hanging around the docks to watch the foremen at work, but today's includes a group of kids. Their skin's covered in dust and bandages from earnest childhood roughhousing. One wears a ballcap that looks suspiciously similar to yours.</p><p>"We want to be just like you one day!" One kid shouts. Another gets on his hands and knees and says, "Please, let me be your apprentice!" Two others in the back try to mimic your kick and end up falling over into a heap, laughing.</p><p>You never know what to say to kids like this. So you stretch your smile until it feels ready to split your cheeks and say, "You whippersnappers got a lot of growing up to do. But I'm sure if you all work hard, you can all be shipwrights too, alrighty?"</p><p>They cheer. And laugh a little when you call them whippersnappers. They soon run off, jumping as they run and pretend to be you with childhoods you never had. You resist the urge to watch them and get back to work.</p><p>When you were their age, CP 9  found you because you took out one of their targets first. Turns out the only thing that can beat trained assassins to the punch is a cornered child who's been pushed a bit too far. Good thing CP 9 had a training camp for brats like you, because you'd destroyed the only home you'd ever known.</p><p>You don't remember if you liked it back then. The thrill of the fight, the rush of red in your veins. But even if it's an acquired taste, it sure as hell satiates you now.</p><p> </p><p>Days ago. Only days? Like Aqua Laguna itself, you knew it was coming but found yourself uprooted anyway.</p><p>Word comes that Nico Robin is on her way. The plan forms to finally get those plans for the ancient weapon, capture Nico Robin, and return home. That's what everyone on the team calls it, anyway. And that's what makes you pause when you enter your apartment for the last time.</p><p>You never thought of yourself as sentimental. You left home with nothing, never picked up anything new but weapons and scars. But even though your room here is spic and span, you never realized how much built up in the peripheries. Little knick-knack gifts from fans, like carved wooden ships, resting on the windowsill. Spare hats hanging from coat hooks and doorknobs. Tiny cans of preserves and fresh fruits that always line your pockets when you wander through the markets. Every gift here given in thanks and good faith.</p><p>You're not sure what to do with it all. You can't give it away, because then folks will suspect you might be going. You can't take it with you either. Maybe you could break it all without anyone noticing; you made sure the walls in your apartment are thick so no one hears you, but the thought of doing so makes your chest feel tight.</p><p>Damn it all. You've grown fond of Water Seven and its people. Even if all you've ever shown them was a lie, they love you anyway.</p><p>You take a deep breath and begin to sort. Everything into neat piles, like tools and supplies for a job. Here's the pile of things you can pass along to the starry-eyed kids that dog your steps. Here are general goods you can leave in the storeroom of Blueno's bar; someone will take it over and put them to good use. Here's everything else in a bag, and maybe you'll drop it all when the tides rise and let Aqua Laguna consign part of your life to the ocean floor.</p><p>And here's a half-empty bottle of wine. You take it with you to the roof and watch the sunset. The others visit you as they drop their disguises for the day. Kalifa shares a drink and tells you how relieved she is to finally leave this town behind. And to kick Iceburg's face in first, after years of following his every whim. Blueno stops by later through one of his doors, a brief break from his bar. He doesn't say much, but you get the feeling he appreciates the moment of quiet. Might be the only one he gets tonight, as tomorrow he'll keep his eye out for Nico Robin.</p><p>Lucci shows up long after the sun's gone down. You call him an alley cat. Maybe there's some truth to that, as you see no love lost for this city in his eyes, don't see much of anything at all.</p><p>"I trust you haven't gotten sloppy these past few years." You're sure he's said this to everyone, but it means something different for you. After all, the two of you have worked, trained, and otherwise spent more time together than anyone else on the team during this job. You've both gotten stronger.</p><p>"I've been practicing. No need to worry about me." You gesture to the building below. "Just got a spot of cleaning left, and I'll be ready in a jiffy."</p><p>"Leave no trace except an alibi," Lucci intones. Your team has left their mark; no one will believe that any of them could ever hurt Water Seven's beloved mayor. And you won't have to answer any questions so long as you never come back. No matter how nice it sounds to stay here forever.</p><p>"Five years is a long time," Lucci admits. The closest he'd ever get to acknowledging your struggle. "We'll get a new assignment soon enough. You better be ready." No more being the wind. No more building ships.</p><p>"This isn't my first rodeo, you know."</p><p>He nods. He doesn't need to say anything. And when he follows you back down from the roof, you hope it's not out of suspicion, that he doesn't spend the night ascertaining if you've become a liability before his very eyes. In some strange way, you think he'd miss you; fellow team members are the only constants on the sea of strangers and waves of betrayal your team sails on, and you two have worked closer than most.</p><p>Or maybe you're just hanging your hopes in the wrong place again, since there's no more to be found here.</p><p>When morning comes and you're alone once more, you change the bedsheets. Fresh white where the old ones are stained in blood, swear, stray hairs and fur. You clean the windows and floors until they shine. Exorcise your presence from these walls. All that's left are the robe and mask in the closet. The final thing you'll leave behind are these colorful clothes of yours, and you'll go out in black and blue like you always have.</p><p>Before you leave your room a final time, sentimentality sneaks up from behind and takes your hand. One small trinket, a miniature of the first boat you built with your own two hands, is slipped into the pocket of your CP9 blacks.</p><p>Somehow, it doesn't break even when the fighting breaks out and you're finally, <em>finally</em> able to get your hands dirty again.</p><p> </p><p>The Devil Fruit tastes like you've taken a mouthful of the sea and can't come up for air. It's salty and cloying. No wonder most folks only take a bite, only to spit it back out. You've always been too stubborn.</p><p>Maybe this will drive the meaning of your actions into that thick skull of yours. Your stomach already churns. Something new is growing under your skin, and there's no way to dig it out now. It'll drag you down if you touch the water. Strangers will see it behind eyes they mistook for kind, even if they don't know it.</p><p>It's better this way, you tell yourself. You don't have to pretend anymore. And you won't be tempted to go back to that city of endless water. You got too distracted back there. Mistaking yourself for someone who builds instead of tearing apart. A fool who thought you tamed a monster just because you let him into your bed. You spent so much time flinging yourself into the air, you forgot to keep your head back on earth, and now look at you.</p><p>Lucci sure is. His pupils narrow into slits. His grin grows sharp. He knows it before you do.</p><p>You've been a monster like him all along, but the taste on you're choking on is the taste of prey. You won't have claws to tear down his back, teeth to clamp down his neck, the way he does yours. Did he know, somehow? Did he taste your doubt in the air and slip you a fruit that'd draw you back in line? (Were you right that he'd miss you if you left, and now he knows you can't?)</p><p>You still don't break your stare. To do so now would be an act of cowardice, and you haven't been a coward since the day you finally had enough and turned a knife on your own parents. And only a coward would've stayed in Water Seven and tried to hide from what he was. What you are.</p><p>The last bite of the fruit stings your tongue like saltwater. "That tasted disgusting," you finally say.</p><p>He doesn't reply, because he knows you've gotten used to worst. Maybe he'll help you wash the taste out later. But right now, there's violence in the air, and you better get ahold of yourself before the fun begins. You can go all-out again. You don't have to care that your opponents caught you smiling and thought you meant it.</p><p>You'll douse yourself in blood if you have to, if it'll drown out who you were pretending to be and everything he just gave up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My reaction to Kaku went from "he's so happy, I hope nothing bad happens to him!" to "HE IS THE BAD THING HAPPENING", and that is just a *chef's kiss* perfect character combination. So I had to seize upon that duality and squeeze every inch of angst I could out of it.<br/>This is an overdramatic mess, but dang was it fun to write anyway.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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